The Words from A Dad Which Saved Us as a New Dad

"I believe I was simply trying to survive for the first year."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the demands of fatherhood.

But the actual experience rapidly became "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health complications around the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her chief support as well as taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every change… each outing. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. It was a chat with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct phrases "You're not in a good spot. You need assistance. In what way can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His story is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although people is now more accustomed to discussing the stress on moms and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan thinks his challenges are linked to a broader failure to talk between men, who continue to hold onto harmful notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It is not a show of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, says men often don't want to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not justified to be asking for help" - especially in front of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the space to take a respite - going on a short trip abroad, outside of the home environment, to see things clearly.

He realised he required a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the logistical chores of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of emotional life and interpret his decisions as a father.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing trauma caused his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "terrible actions" when younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the pain.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he notes. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Coping as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you feel swamped, speak to a friend, your partner or a therapist how you're feeling. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the things that helped you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - nutritious food, physical activity and where possible, resting, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - sharing their experiences, the messy ones, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help is not failure - looking after your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead give the security and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the emotions in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they faced their issues, transformed how they communicate, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I expressed, on occasion I feel like my purpose is to instruct and tell you what to do, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am understanding just as much as you are in this journey."